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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
Come here. Love you.
Applebees has $1 cocktails all February.... So I think we're gonna get fucked up!
Thanks. Yeah, you been workin' out?
Hey, babe. It's late. I'm going to bed.
I'm already there. I mean, oh, my God,
Get 'em up. Get 'em up.
Then I shuttle the kids to piano lessons and soccer games
Thank you, Kiki.
and I try to work out once a week.
Okay.
No. I wanna stay with Dad tonight.
The juicing moms. Mmm-hmm.
What is a standardized test?
Baby, it's okay, relax. You will make the soccer team, I promise.
So, the truth is, when it comes to being a mom,
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Remember when I said that all marriages are savable?
Cute backpack.
And I looked around, there was no Kathryn. (GASPS)
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
(KIKI SIGHS)
Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
(ALL GASPS)
She's a perfectionist.
And by that point, it's too late.
You guys are ridiculous. I'm telling you...
Amy plays football?
Hi. Meet the Candidate Night tomorrow night, 7:30.
(MAN SCREAMING ON TV)
Wait, what are you talking about?
Thank God. The bottom line is,
Okay, so your dad had to go outta town on a business trip,
It means that Mommy and Daddy have been spoiling you,
Most moms do that, Carla.
Shit!
She said, Shut up and dance with me!
(GASPS) You know what? I've never been with a Latin man.
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Okay.
.-. ._.
Oh, my God. I am so relieved.
what you did back there was amazing.
Hold on a second. I don't think I've done anything wrong.
Wait, bye, angel! Have so much fun with Daddy!
Yeah, cancer gets her.
DYLAN: I made a frittata.
CROWD: Aw. (APPLAUSE)
But I feel like I'm screwing up all the time.
Yes.
This place is fancy. Gosh.
Hey, listen, I don't know nothin' about Gwendolyn James, all right?
I would give her whiskey.
So I have to skedaddle right now.
and it would just be raining dicks wherever I went.
I'm talking fully naked, dick, balls...
AMY: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Get in bitches
We gotta go. Yeah, let's go.
Meh, eh... No, no, I'm serious!
Fine. Jesus!
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
You gonna eat your butter?
Maybe if you cleaned the kitchen, made the kids dinner,
I don't know.
Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my. What do we have here?
Quarantine going like...
Okay.
$1 drinks... all month long? I think we're gonna get fucked up!
I can't do this. You gotta come home right now.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yes! Yes! Anything.
I go to the casino. Yeah.
Wow. Hey.
I can't believe I'm gonna be late to my first soccer practice.
When I was in my twenties, I would just walk down the street
Oh, yeah. Uh, I'm such an Elsa.
AMY: Oh, my gosh.
(GASPS) Thanks, Mom. You're the best mom ever!
Get in, get in, get in.
Yeah, that's the worst part about being a mom, though,
STACY: Oh, my goodness.
Oh, wow. This bra will be the death of your vagina.
but just remember you're only 12, so it's...
Here you go. VICKY: I know.
You're doing awesome, buddy. You really are.
(WAILING)
How do you know?
the sad moms.
Just imagine for a second that this is the hood of the uncut cook
Come in, come in. I'm sorry, nobody's here yet.
Anyone could force their kids to play cello or speak Chinese
Oh, my gosh, okay. This is exciting. I'm in!
Oh, my God, that's a giant bush!
No BPA, no MSG, no BHA, no BHT.
Listen, the program is gonna begin in about five minutes,
Oh, God.
Do you know what I hate? Mmm?
Um...
My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet,
Kiki?
Mike, Amy, I want you to look at each other
(GRUNTING)
winter is ( )
(WHISPERING) God. I still don't understand what we're doing.
(LAUGHS) (CELL PHONE RINGS)
God, they hate me.
I find Tom Selleck's work to be extremely erotic.
and blowing off work, and, oh, yeah,
you wanna start selling your coffee to hotels, now?
Dick dick dick dick dick
(SLURPING)
Don’t fuck the janitor at your kid’s school
(GROANS)
Wow.
(SAD MUSIC PLAYING OVER CAR STEREO) (GWENDOLYN SOBBING)
I didn't want her to bang my husband.
and let's body slam this bitch.
Would you like a new PTA president? Me too!
Yes!
Are you going to eat your butter?
I think not.
Mmm-hmm.
(ALL LAUGH)
I love you guys. Mmm.
I have lots of work to do.
What are you doing? I wanna get back together.
about the advantages of year-round school.
AMY: I'm not good at this public speaking.
Just nice and slow.
Are you kidding me?
Oh. I've never felt better.
Mom with large aereolas
Carla. Carla! What, hon?
doing your own homework from now on.
Oh, my God, my life is ruined. I'm never going to college.
ALL: Yes!
Right?
This is something that Mrs. Doubtfire would wear.
What if I don't play?
I loved my childhood.
I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna rub my face on it.
But we may need to find a new supermarket.
Um, I'm calling to see if you'd like to join
(LAUGHS)
But how long have you been doing this?